Reasons Marriages Crash After Couples Have Children
Recently, we received a lot of questions from single parents lamenting how their marriages crash, and the difficulties they face during the latter stage of the marriage whereas they all claim they had a better time together at the earlier stage of their marriages.
Many submissions were related to this composition: "Children are the only reason the majority of married couples are still a step out of divorce. Unfortunately, lack of children is the only reason many married couples have no reason yet to divorce. Married couples opt for divorce immediately after they lose the memory of their lovely children. Children bring reasons for divorce.
This prompted the management of the Round Table to conduct research into discovering the impact of children on the rate at which marriages crash after having children.
The correspondence was received from online and offline participants using an unstructured format, thus we aim to learn broadly from the development.
These are what we received from some correspondents:
One of our correspondents said "Women lose taste (beautifulness) on giving birth, men are crazily thirsting for fresh tastes (beauty); After giving birth, majority of the women do not care about their beauty. This drags their husbands far away from them and the issues begin.
Another correspondent said "Majority of women shift attentions to their children on giving birth, this immensely contribute to loss of love between married couples.
Another correspondent took a traditional view on the subject matter. He said:
"Cultural conflict with natural law is another reason for an increasing number of unhappy homes, mostly after the couples have their children.
Traditionally, women were made to be inferior in African marriage but in reality, women never agree with the setting, they only fake it at the initial stage of the marriage.
Immediately after bearing children, women see children as a chain around the neck, feet, and hands of the men. They begin to ask for their right to the Freedom of EQUALITY bearing in mind that the children are a shield for their personalities.
Strong men who wouldn't want to submit the right would go to all lengths and end it to whatever end (divorce, separation, dummy marriage, or forcing the wife to maintain the status quo), all to establish the superiority of men in a marriage. In this scope, such a woman may rehabilitate herself and come back to the marriage or remain depressed till the marriage lasts.
Stronger men submit to the women's onslaught and you see them calling themselves MUMMY, DADDY with EQUAL respect. They became either [un]happy for the rest of their life depending on the decision of the woman, who in all senses could be declared winner of the race for superiority in a marriage."
This correspondent went spiritual in his understanding of the subject. He said:
"It takes time for many couples to note that they have been wrongly married to their destiny destroyer. This is more of a spiritual realm but it has often been proven behaviorally or emotionally.
The moment this is ascertained, the relationship becomes a struggle field for survival of the fittest. If the destiny destroyer is allowed to be the fittest, you know what it means; if the other colleague can get ahead, you know what it means."
Having received a lot of entries from the participants, the Round Table came up with what could be regarded as structured reasons why many marriages collapse after having children.
First, we agreed that having children can bring immense joy to a marriage, but it can also introduce new challenges that may strain the relationship, here are some common reasons why marriages may face difficulties after having children:
1. Increased stress and fatigue:
Caring for a new baby can be overwhelming, leaving little time and energy for the couples to rekindle their love. This often develops minor issues which may advance into major ones and divorce if not amicably managed.
2. Changes in priorities and roles:
Parenthood can shift priorities, leading to disagreements on responsibilities, childcare, and financial decisions.
At the initial stage of a marriage, couples are used to a set of priorities and seem to have a mutual agreement on roles. However, parenthood, after having children, alters the settings. This leads to disagreements between couples and may advance to divorce if not properly managed.
3. Loss of quality time together:
With busy schedules and childcare duties, couples may struggle to find quality time for each other.
Agree or not, love is often rekindled when couples spend quality time together. This brings more understanding and mutualism between couples. It opens the eyes and minds of couples to understandable clauses that might ordinarily damage their relationship. Unfortunately, on giving birth, the time couples spend together reduces. This is caused by many factors related to parenthood including struggling to take care of the kids, money, and other family-related issues.
This often exerts pressure on couples, threatening the relationship, and tends towards divorce if not carefully addressed.
4. Financial strain:
Raising children can be costly, adding financial stress to the relationship. This is severe if the couples are not financially buoyant or one of the couples is overwhelmed in meeting their financial needs.
This is frequently pinpointed as a cause of major crises that lead to divorce among couples.
5. Sleep deprivation:
Lack of sleep can exacerbate conflicts and reduce emotional resilience.
The fact remains that couples have less time to sleep at child-rearing. This leads to frustration resulting from high blood pressure. This is not natural and may lead to severe health challenges, with or without divorce, if not properly comprehended.
6. Differences in parenting styles:
Couples may have different approaches to parenting, leading to disagreements and conflict.
Recalling that each of the couples comes from a different parental background and was also exposed to varied parenting styles.
Mending the variation in parenting styles oftentimes leads to conflict among couples and critical understanding, calmness, and maturity are needed to avoid this.
7. Emotional changes:
Hormonal changes, postpartum depression, and anxiety can affect mood and relationship dynamics.
Recall that parenthood comes with its separate challenges including financial and other related struggles. These bring about emotional changes and grossly affect relationships between couples with children.
This increases with an increase in the number of children.
8. Shift in intimacy:
The transition to parenthood can lead to a decline in physical intimacy and emotional connection.
Don't forget, it has been severally quoted that parenthood comes with heavy burdens.
9. Support system changes:
Couples may rely less on each other for emotional support, as their focus shifts to their child.
This is quietly related to other factors that have been discussed above. However, it is important to note and reemphasize that as couples transit to parenthood, there will certainly be a shift in their default system of relating. If this is not understood by at least one of the couples, the marriage may crash into an unresolvable crisis.
10. Unrealistic expectations: The pressure to be perfect parents can lead to disappointment and frustration in the relationship.
The definition of a perfect parent often differs from personality. This is closely related to the variation in parenting styles.
Many couples prefer everything to be equally shared between them and the kids while some are good at taking care of their kids. Rarely though, some parents prefer to look after their partner in the marriage, leaving out the kids. This is often extended to the ways couples take care of their in-laws.
Holistically, most of these expectations are unrealistic but the majority of the couples would not agree, easily.
It's important to remember that every marriage is unique, and not all couples will face these challenges. However, being aware of these potential stressors can help couples prepare and work together to strengthen their relationship.
Here are some tips to help maintain a strong marriage after having children:
1. Communicate openly: Share your feelings, needs, and concerns.
2. Schedule quality time: Regularly set aside time for just the two of you, even if it's just a walk or dinner date.
3. Maintain intimacy: Prioritize physical and emotional connection, even if it's just a quick kiss or hug.
4. Share parenting responsibilities: Divide childcare duties fairly to avoid resentment.
5. Support each other's passions: Encourage individual interests and hobbies outside of parenting.
6. Show appreciation: Express gratitude for each other's efforts as parents and partners.
7. Take breaks: Allow each other time for self-care and personal recharge.
8. Foster a sense of teamwork: Work together to tackle parenting challenges.
9. Keep humor alive: Laugh together and find the humor in parenting mishaps.
10. Prioritize date nights: Regularly schedule time for just the two of you to reconnect.
11. Seek support: Consider couples therapy or support groups to navigate challenges together.
12. Celebrate milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements as parents and partners.
Remember, relationships evolve, and it's normal to face challenges. By prioritizing communication, connection, and teamwork, you can strengthen your marriage and build a loving home for your children.
Category: World-News
Tag: Reasons Marriages Crash After Couples Have Children
Written by Author (author)
Published 6/27/2024 12:10:15 PM