Is It Okay For A Born Again Christian To Marry Someone Who Is Not?

Frequently Asked Questions
August 29, 2017
What Are Valid Reasons For Breaking Up A Christian Relationship?
September 1, 2017


Should a born again lady marry a sincere and good guy who is not born again but goes to church?

If this question was posed over 20 years ago, the unequivocal answer would be NO, don’t marry him. The reason is because Christianity was taken more seriously then. Only people who were truly broken and ready to live for Christ became born again. They exhibited Christ in their character and spiritual life. They feared God and tried as much as possible to live a righteous life. They lived an exemplary life of Christ. So nobody would even think of marrying a person outside that fold. A born again guy would be expected to be sincerely good and nice.

Today, such Christian living has diminished. We find Christians, alter ministers, ordained workers defiling the alter of God, twisting the word of God, derailing from the path of God and you wonder…do I want to marry this kind of “born again” person when there is someone else who has a good character and will make me happy in marriage even though he is not born again?

So here is my take on this; the world may have changed, but the Word has not. It remains the same yesterday, today and forever. Hence let not the sinful ways of born again Christians today discourage you from considering them for marriage. No matter how bad it is, there are still genuine, spiritual, truthful God-fearing believers with good and godly character out there.

I pray that God leads you to meet such an individual.


Let’s look at what the scripture says, as it has been roundly mentioned since we started the discussion:

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers…”

In simple terms, this means that as a believer, you should not have any unequal connection with someone who does not have the same spiritual beliefs as yours.

Yoke is a solid clamp that joins two animals together at the neck so they can easily move and work together as a team.

Therefore, it is better to have “equal yoke” of beliefs, spiritual ideology or leaning with someone in order to have an easier and peaceful living as a team or couple

And like the bible also asks…how can two people walk together if they don’t agree?

So for your own peace and good, it is spiritually good for you as a born again Christian to marry one of your own kind with equal yokes; born again and filled with the Holy Ghost.

I pray that God leads you to meet such an individual

I believe every Christian on the platform will agree with the above. This is what we were taught in church years ago and those who became born again among us then, sought to marry only those who were equally born again.

If this platform was church or a fellowship, we can safely conclude here and be silent on further questions or scenarios.

But since we look further into real practical issues on the platform, let’s reason a bit deeper…


My third point is a response to a comment shared…

Some people quipped during the conversations that the Holy Spirit cannot tell you to marry someone who is not born again. I respectfully disagree.

Here is my reason (you have a right to disagree too):

There is no man that is in any spiritual position to determine what and how the Holy Spirit speaks to someone else. You only know of what the spirit tells you or what he is not telling you but you have no right to discountenance what another person says the spirit tells him.

Bishop Oyedepo once told us how he went to tell one of his spiritual fathers way back that God has called him to full time ministry and the father said NO, God cannot call you to ministry. He insisted and the spiritual father said ok we shall see and Bishop Oyedepo replied, yes…we shall see sir. We all know the global impact of the Ministry today.

I have heard conversations with people who want to take certain steps which I feel is wrong and I try to discourage them but once you tell me it is the spirit that is leading you to take such decisions, I keep my mouth shut. Yes I am a spirit. Yes I am a god. Yes I have the mind of Christ but I cannot dispute whatever the Holy Spirit tells you whether it is in line with scriptures or not. He can speak to you through me but when he decides to speak to you directly, the best I can say is “It is well” and hope it turns out well. The end result tells me if you sincerely heard from the HS or not.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways says the Lord”

This scripture tells me that you cannot judge or predict God’s the agenda for me. He is unfathomable. God can use anything, any animal, anybody to achieve His ultimate plan for man. God can decide to use marriage to convert a man. It is His prerogative. We as Christians should be careful how we weigh fellow Christians’ actions. It is not in your place to determine what the Holy Spirit can tell me and what he cannot. It is only God that knows the mind of the Holy Spirit (Rom 8:27).

I can guide you. I can counsel you but I cannot discountenance what you tell me you hear from God whether genuine or not. Besides, His “foolishness” is wiser than my wisdom (1Cor1:25)

Bishop Oyedepo once told us how he went to tell one of his spiritual fathers way back that God has called him to full time ministry and the father said NO, God cannot call you to ministry. He insisted and the spiritual father said ok we shall see and Bishop Oyedepo replied, yes…we shall see sir. We all know the global impact of the Ministry today.

Pastor E A Adeboye once shared an experience of how God used hemp smoking, crazy and heavily intoxicated “area boys” to deliver him from extorting policemen.

If we were alive in the days of the Apostles and the church was asked to pick one main person to fearlessly spread the gospel to all the regions in the Middle East, we would have nominated Peter who walked on water or John the beloved of Christ or any other disciple that walked closely with Jesus. But God, whose thoughts are not our thoughts, decided to choose Saul, a Christian persecutor!

Remember how God used a harlot to save the lives of certain children of Israel at some point.

My point is this: In as much as we have a responsibility as Christians to encourage others to walk in line with God’s word, let us not be quick to judge or condemn someone because we feel we are more spiritual. Our feelings may not coincide with what God’s plan for that person. And you cannot query God. At the end, it will show if that individual actually heard from the Holy Spirit or from his mind.

So if she says she heard from God to marry the fellow, despite the 2Cor6:14, you have no spiritual right to disagree. Let the end justify.


My final point

Taking it down to the born again lady and her unborn again Christian boyfriend:

My question will be…what do you want in marriage? If it is emotional peace and happiness, family progress and marital success, then a good man as you described the guy will easily give you all that. Marriage is for the earth. Spiritual status is for the earth beyond

However, let’s consider our main guiding scripture over this matter…

”Be not unequally yoked with unbeliever” So the question is…who is an unbeliever? I searched for various meanings: It is someone who does not manifest devotion to one’s God. Other qualifications: blasphemer, gentile, heathen, pagan, rationalist, infidel, atheist.

If your boyfriend is any of these, I would say you should not even think or consider marriage to him except you tell me the Holy Spirit says so which like I have said before I cannot contest with you even if I don’t agree that you can led to marry such a person.

If you read further down the above scripture, it compares you and the unbeliever as light and darkness, Christ and Belial, believer and infidel, temple of God and idols.

But you say he goes to church, he prays and has the spirit of love and care for others in him, then I will consider him a strong candidate for accepting Christ ultimately. I will encourage you to continue praying for him, not because you want to marry him but because you don’t want him to perish in hell but have everlasting life. If you have peace by the spirit of God in your decision to marry him at this level, I would say you carry on. But make sure you are sincere with yourself and with the Spirit who is the ultimate guide and counselor. After all, there are some spirit-filled born again Christians that the Holy Spirit will warn you against getting married to.

In conclusion, when you are at a cross-road in taking such a sensitive and tricky decision, after listening to a multitude of counsel, allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you…to guide you…to instruct you and you will never go wrong. Remember the bible says that as many as are led by the spirit, they are really the true sons of God. The true essence of your claim of being born again lies in your own personal relationship with the Spirit of God and how you respond to his leading

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *