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August 13, 2017
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August 29, 2017

How do I break the walls down between us?

Submission in marriage is a biblical instruction which every good wife should follow.

Good Christians want to follow the word and ways of God but circumstances and scenarios that negatively impact on their human nature make the flesh react against absolute obedience to God’s word. For instance, it will take the grace and spirit of God upon a woman to still love, submit and obey a man who not only physically beat her but is so unfaithful in the marriage.
I know of a woman who falls under this category yet has remained steadfast and committed to the marriage…obedient and submissive to her husband even after friends and family have severally advised her to move out of the home. She said she believes one day God will touch her husband and he will change positively. She has not allowed the seeming  threat to her life and health to make her disobey God’s word of submission. So I know submission can be tough in the face of negative external actions

Ordinarily, there shouldn’t be a problem of submission in homes if both parties have the fear of God, love for God and respect for His word.

 So, what exactly is submission?
 My own definition is as follows;
 Sub + Mission
 Sub means “under”… like submarine – (under water) or substructure – (under the ground).
 Mission means a goal or a target or desire. So my personal definition of marital submission is:
 “the ability of a woman who is UNDER the authority of her husband to achieve her MISSION in the home without any fret from the husband even when it is not his original will to accept it so”. It is “ability to take his instructions when she wants to and not taking his instructions when she doesn’t want to…yet no strife or stress in the home”

So how do you achieve this? The answer is simply WISDOM. Sounds too simple or too easy? If you dont have that kind of wisdom, ask for it (James1:5)

In marriage particularly, wisdom is the principal thing. By wisdom is a house built (Pr 24:3). Wisdom is the root. The branches are prayer, patience and diplomacy. Wisdom lets you know when and how to pray, to be patient and to be diplomatic.
 So how is prayer, patience and diplomacy the key to… “SUBMISSION MADE EASY?”
 PRAYER
 Let me use an example of a pastor’s wife.
 When God told the husband to move from Kaduna to start Lagos church, he moved with his family. The children were still very young then. So the wife naturally searched and inquired about good schools around their residence and she eventually got one. Invariably the husband too had asked around but we know a mother’s instinct has better judgement on such things than men

So she told the husband she had found the best school suited for the kids. He said NO they are not going there rather they will go to a school he has found. She didn’t argue. She didn’t protest. She tried to explain and let him see reason but he insisted on his choice. She didn’t say a word after, other than OK. – Submission. But you know what she did? She went back to her closet and began to pray fervently that the holy spirit should enter her husband’s heart to change his mind. She declared what she wanted prayerfully.

 A few days after, the husband by himself asked her casually about the school she said she has picked for the kids…and he said she can take them there!.
Did she fight him? NO. Did she make a big issue out of it? NO. Did she try to prove how smart she was knowing that her choice was better than his? NO. Did she prove logic? NO. Did she remain UNDER his instruction? YES. And did she achieve her MISSION? YES.
Sub – Mission

She didn’t cause a fight. She left the discussion on the matter. The home remained calm. Yet she got what she wanted – SUBMISSION

 Sometimes when a woman has an emotionally induced confrontation with her husband, she forgets what prayer can do. Prayer is always the last thing we do after all else have failed. Ironically, it is supposed to be the first. How many women prayerfully go to their husbands to discuss issues?
 In those days, my dad was a hard man who would shout and harass everybody in the house so if I wanted to collect money from him, I would pray…that may God make daddy give me this money I want to ask for
 So why can’t a woman do likewise to her husband assuming he is hard and difficult
 A woman who has a husband with serious anger issues and very low tolerant level…who could shout at her even in front of outsiders decided to go to the Lord in prayer. She wrote his name on a paper, anointed it and every morning after he had gone to work, she would pray fervently for God to remove the spirit of anger upon her husband. Today he hardly gets angry and he even says it. I’m not sure he knows the extent of prayer his wife had poured over his spirit to destroy the spirit of anger
 Prayer works. It is a spiritual communication to help a woman even if the husband is misbehaving or annoying her in the house. Except you don’t believe in prayers, then it can’t help you in this situation
 So there is wisdom in praying to fulfil your mission
DIPLOMACY
 There is one secret of man that a lot of women don’t know. A man is most vulnerable when his ego is rubbed. When a man is elevated to become like a lord and master in the home, he feels cool. He feels like a king. At that point, even if he says you should not do a particular thing you really love to do, your “worship” and begging of him will melt him down and he would have given you go ahead he realises it. Sometimes, a man just wants to pull his weight around just to feel that he is in control. That’s why they say NO to this or that and if you resist, then strife and stress set in. Even mere looking at your husband in a particular intimate way, hugging him while appealing to him to change his mind works like magic. Diplomacy.
 Diplomacy is being in charge but making the man feel that he is the one in charge
 Diplomacy is making your husband pet you to sleep without having sex on a night he has been initially pressing you for sex. Don’t ask me how on the platform please…*smile* but I can have a one on one private chat but strictly with married or about to marry couples only
 Some smart women know how to use the diplomacy of sulking and teary eyes to have their way. A lot of men concede to wives pleading with tears and you all know crying is one of the easiest things for a woman to do.
 – Diplomacy.

A wealthy middle aged woman once told me that in the early days of her marriage when her husband didn’t have money, if she asked for #15,000 for food and housekeeping money, he said he might struggle to give her #5,000. She said despite that, she will, kneel on her two knees and say thank you…even if she makes a face at his back as he walks away. She said by the following month she would see him make every effort to ensure the 15k was complete. That is diplomacy.
Some women will get angry at the amount. They will get so upset that the man can turn the episode into fracas. He may even refuse to drop the money again saying you should do your worst

 A lady told me on a particular occasion, she wanted to do a particular thing but was sure her husband would not agree. So she woke him up at night and said she wanted to thank him for all he has been doing and that he wanted to pray for him. Then she started calling him the traditional names he bears…After all the theatricals, she casually mentioned what she wanted to do…She got the acceptance cheaply. Diplomacy. Ego rubbing.
You should respect and submit to your husband not because you ordinarily would want to but simply because he is your husband and the word of God should be obeyed
Marital Diplomacy is a skill. A tact. A wisdom. A proud or arrogant woman can’t use this method. She would rather go fight the guy and prove that she is equally a stakeholder in the marriage than use all this wisdom stuff
 Even in international diplomacy  check how a nation talks to another nation. Their statements are nice, respectful, diplomatic. It’s only when diplomacy fails that war breaks out
Guys, I’m sure you are very happy with all the points about the necessity for ladies to submit to their husbands. You’re probably feeling like a king right now.
 But you guys also have to be reasonable with your demands, demeanor and disposition in the home. Don’t always want to have your way. Don’t always want to prove a point. You cant always be right. Always listen to her point of view. The truth is a woman’s views are always more reasonable and better than a husband’s. But our problem is we are always blinded by our ego. God has given them instincts to know the best decisions to take on an issue than men. So ask her. Respect her. Peace is sweeter than strife. Choose peace and you will live longer.

Don’t take advantage of the word of God to misbehave. Because your wife has been told to be patient does not mean you should always stretch her patience. Remember she is a human being. And remember when diplomacy fails, conflict is inevitable.

What I advise men to do to have a better and more reasonable relationship is to try and ignore little things in the home. Let her take decisions on that. Then there won’t be conflict
 If you love her and you behave in a genuine, liberal and sensible way, she doesn’t have to go through all those prescribed submission nuggets. Submission will come naturally. A happy wife will readily submit to her husband. So ensure you make her happy all the time and you will enjoy her to the fullest
 Those nuggets are for difficult men who have wives that still want to obey God’s word despite their husband’s excesses.
 The truth is if you don’t meet up your financial, spiritual and moral responsibility, you must pray for extra grace for your wife to respect and submit to you. So work hard. Love hard. Pray hard. Behave well. Don’t take her for granted…and trust me…submission from your wife will be the easiest thing she will do in your marriage.

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